Oi, my name is Fatima Abdul. Yes, I know, weird name.
This is a blog that is seldom read, really. Yet I like writing here, it feels good to be able to release my feelings SOMEWHERE. I don't give a shit whether you read this or not; I've learnt that nobody in this world is 100% kind.
I was the kind of person who was successful. Greedy, bitchy, full of pride, a social suicide to be with... but I was successful. Ridden by feelings of jealousy, obsession, and hunger for more, I kept on succeeding. But don't get me wrong - I treasured my family and friends more than anything. I was, still am, probably the most forgiving person ever. That I guess was the main reason why I was successful. Because I knew all the people I loved (and disliked, too) had great expectations of me.
However, after moving to Bangladesh, I lost all that. I met the fakest people on the face of this earth. (And fakest is not even a word!) I was deprived of opportunities, and all the things that I used to need. I became useless, selfless, lifeless.
Don't get me wrong. I don't hate this country, or the people in it. But imagine this: you spent your entire life living in a certain way, and dreaming to do certain things, and working hard to obtain them; then suddenly you go someplace else, which is totally different, which breaks you in such a way that feels irreparable. I dunno how many more people ever felt this way.
You might think I'm exaggerating, maybe I am. But look at it like this; the best and most things and decisions in life come when you're an adolescent. That's what I am, but unfortunately I just saw worse and worse everyday. I'm just a freakin kid, and I can't believe I feel so damn depressed. My whole psychology is ruined, and I'm blaming myself for not being able to adapt to all these sudden changes. I, who prided myself on being the best... I just fell down and broke.
To all the people who had so many good expectations of me, forget about them. I'm now a careless broken doll who just shut herself away from the world. I just can't take all this anymore. All this recklessness, this mess I'm in that I can't confide in anyone, it destroyed a huge and elemental part of me.
Life will go on, but unfortunately not as I planned. I just can't believe I let myself down like this.
At times, even now, I feel like all I needed was someone to confide in. Unfortunately nobody ever cared enough to fill that void in me. They're too busy with their own lives.
Sometimes I wish I was an average person who lived an average life. Simpleness of mind and action are the best conditions to be in.
Unfortunately I was born fu**in Asian.
Goddamn Asian psychology.
I might hate it more than I hate Qaddhafi, that asshole.
This is a blog that is seldom read, really. Yet I like writing here, it feels good to be able to release my feelings SOMEWHERE. I don't give a shit whether you read this or not; I've learnt that nobody in this world is 100% kind.
I was the kind of person who was successful. Greedy, bitchy, full of pride, a social suicide to be with... but I was successful. Ridden by feelings of jealousy, obsession, and hunger for more, I kept on succeeding. But don't get me wrong - I treasured my family and friends more than anything. I was, still am, probably the most forgiving person ever. That I guess was the main reason why I was successful. Because I knew all the people I loved (and disliked, too) had great expectations of me.
However, after moving to Bangladesh, I lost all that. I met the fakest people on the face of this earth. (And fakest is not even a word!) I was deprived of opportunities, and all the things that I used to need. I became useless, selfless, lifeless.
Don't get me wrong. I don't hate this country, or the people in it. But imagine this: you spent your entire life living in a certain way, and dreaming to do certain things, and working hard to obtain them; then suddenly you go someplace else, which is totally different, which breaks you in such a way that feels irreparable. I dunno how many more people ever felt this way.
You might think I'm exaggerating, maybe I am. But look at it like this; the best and most things and decisions in life come when you're an adolescent. That's what I am, but unfortunately I just saw worse and worse everyday. I'm just a freakin kid, and I can't believe I feel so damn depressed. My whole psychology is ruined, and I'm blaming myself for not being able to adapt to all these sudden changes. I, who prided myself on being the best... I just fell down and broke.
To all the people who had so many good expectations of me, forget about them. I'm now a careless broken doll who just shut herself away from the world. I just can't take all this anymore. All this recklessness, this mess I'm in that I can't confide in anyone, it destroyed a huge and elemental part of me.
Life will go on, but unfortunately not as I planned. I just can't believe I let myself down like this.
At times, even now, I feel like all I needed was someone to confide in. Unfortunately nobody ever cared enough to fill that void in me. They're too busy with their own lives.
Sometimes I wish I was an average person who lived an average life. Simpleness of mind and action are the best conditions to be in.
Unfortunately I was born fu**in Asian.
Goddamn Asian psychology.
I might hate it more than I hate Qaddhafi, that asshole.
-Fatima, meaning the one who abstains.
Yet my innocence, you took away.
P.S. I fuckin love my mom. She stopped bitching about me chopping my hair off. At first she shouted at me for it. I loved hearing her shout, makes me feel like she's the only one who cares enough to give me useful criticism. Or maybe I'm just a masochist and I like hearing her reprimand me. But later she told me to sit down and tell me what's wrong. Dear God, I almost love her more than I love you.
As for the rest of you---------
P.P. S. AWESOMEST VIDEO--- EVER!!!
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